Story Peeps Change Lives

Who Am I Waiting 4?

Member: badseed84

I sit here day in and day out...waiting...for something, but what? waiting to hear that car door slam and that music pouring from the car as you pull up from work...samething, same routine, looking for the mail to come, just another one of my daily routines, hoping it brings good news, other than bills?

Nothing ever comes, hoping my story can be another miraculous testimony like other's but sadly...I feel no hope...play the lottery wasting dollars a day...that could go towards my cigarette habit, another way to kill myself in a slow way.

We never win anything anyway. I wonder if at times you feel as if I’ve brought you down? I mean look at me...I’m fat, I haven't looked at myself in the mirror or in a store window in over a year. I look down when I enter stores, not like I used to meet people eye to eye, because I knew I was FLY!

Now my weight keeps me limited and our sex life has suffered, because of my lack of confidence and failure to learn to love who I am, but I'll be damned when I go into the store and the pants won't budge anywhere but around my fat stomach.

 I make jokes about myself so that you won't make them about me, and so I won't feel so bad if you were the one saying it. I wish I could hear something positive, I wish this anxiety would stop controlling my life. I wish we could go out again and that you didn't blatantly look at women in my face.

I wish I had money to get away, I wish that I had something more to look forward to than the slam of that car door and the only face I see all day, every day. I wonder if you want out...I'm sure you do...but you're afraid and I am too.

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0 #2 Answers — Heylady 2010-12-14 03:51

You sound like me 18 months. Sad but running away solves nothing. I have money and ran cross country but I was still over weight. Cut down on ur food is simple. No more junk even on a bad day. Within 6 minths your down 25lbs.
Good luck and don't give up

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0 #1 Right. — realisticRon 2010-10-10 21:28

You're a caged animal, that's obvious. It sucks being trapped by a life, by committments, obligations. You need to learn to get from a to c without getting frightened off by "b". Yeah, I know, life sucks and then you die, but you gotta let go and get your feet wet in the pool. Retreat from your comort zone to what's unknown. Ok?

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