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My Anxiety Disorder

Member: therose

I was 13 years old. I was hated in school; because I was different. I was in a wheelchair. Therefore, amongst the hormones and growth spurts of middle school I was either mocked or pitied and nothing else.  I would have terrible muscle spasms throughout my body which would equal terrible pain for me and all most people would do was purposely create the loud noise that would startle me and trigger more muscle spasms. That would give them a good laugh. Girls were the only ones who were nice to me, helping me get my food at lunch and making conversation with me and look at me like I’m dying (only when the teachers were around) emphasis on (only when teachers were around). Otherwise, they were just as cruel as boys were.  Generally speaking, no one would want to talk to me, help me, and eye contact was too much to ask for.  What can I say; they were a bunch of cunts and cocks.

Obviously, this made me unmotivated to go to school which was a daily point of argument between me and my mother. She would yell and then I would yell and then she would just end up pushing me out the door like always, even if I put my brakes on or metaphorically put my foot down.  So I changed my tactics. One morning I broke down in tears and started to hyperventilate. I told her that I wasn’t comfortable being in school or being around those people, it was just too stressful and I could take it anymore.

I was soon seeing the school physiologist weekly, sometimes more if it meant that I was going to miss a class that I didn’t have my homework done in or if I had to be around the cocks who mocked me. In session we discussed how repressed I was by being in a wheelchair, and how I longed to be like everyone else.  I did have a break through, and I was feeling confident and “happy in my own skin” but during the end of the year and my final exams I was “overwhelmed by society’s expectations”. I needed more study time, so I   got an extension, and I was able to have a meeting with the psychologist during the scheduled test taking time.

Luckily, thanks to the psychologist’s help I resolved my issues and got a 3.0 GPA in middle school. I’m feeling good now, but I still need to finish college so a relapse is always possible.

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0 #3 How I conquered anxiety — Justice 2010-09-10 06:11

Transcendental Meditation.
I was NOT looking for a new religion, the third eye, schachra etc. etc!
But 10 min a day changed my life! Fortune favors the Bold!

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0 #2 RE: My Anxiety Disorder — Goodgirlpet 2010-06-22 04:27

I'm so sorry that you had to go through all that.
I'm sure your doctor must have told you that it is you that will have to become stronger and rise above all the ignorance in society.
This is true, and although you may not feel you can, you do have the power to do it, but having support is important, people to talk to and to let all your frustrations out to.
You will have to keep thinking of the goals you have and tell your self that you are the one working hard for your future, not those people.
What 'Asia' said is true, they are the ones with the true handicap and they are missing out on a good friendship by not getting to know you.
I've struggled with social anxiety and depression all my life and i lost out on a lot in life because i always gave in to my fears, in fact i feel i wasted my life.
I don't want you to do that, I want you to be successful with your goals and to be happy with what ever career you choose.
I want to know that you are sitting with a friend taking a break and having lunch and smiling because you feel you have accomplished a lot.
Please don't let anyone interfere in your dreams for your life, keep moving forward and choose to be happy no matter what.
You are probably wondering why i am saying all this, it's because i never accomplished anything, but if i can help make a difference in other peoples lives, then i can say my life was worth it.
I guess that is selfish in a way but i really don't want anyone feeling the way i did all my life.
I wish you and you too 'Asia', the best.

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+1 #1 Similar Situation — Asia 2010-06-16 14:26

I was in a similar situation as you. I was ridiculed through out my elementary and middle school years. A few months after I was born, I developed a cyst in my right eye and since then I've been using a prosthetic eye. I would have prefered to switch places with you. After all, seeing a person in a wheel chair is "common", but how often do you see a person who has only "1" eye. Everything changed for me after what my sister told me. She said that if people don't accept me then in the end they are the handicap. Their handicap is not realizing that other people have feelings too.

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