Story Peeps Change Lives

To my 13 year old step grandaugter

Written by Ted Richard

Well, I'm 57 and married real late in life, never had any kids of my own. Married my wife 4 1/2 years ago and things were going along pretty smooth until she decided that we needed to help her daughter keep her kids from killing or doing serious bodily harm to each other.

Now, she did ask me, she didn't just drop it in my lap and, after some reflection, fool that I am, I thought that it would be good for me to have the chance to connect with then 10 year old Jack. So he came to live with us........long story (VERY long story) short, we moved across the country, went into hock up to our necks because we didn't even have the means to care for even ONE kid much less the 2 that we ended up with, well like I said it's a very long and very sad story, Jack finally did indeed end up doing grave bodily harm to his sister and now resides in the foster care system. The stress and strain of all of the drama and financial nightmares have finally resulted in my wife deciding that she wants me out of her life and we've been separated for the past 6 months. Me, I never gave up loving them, especially Jenn, who also came to us at that golden age of 10, see I never had any kids of my own and I never expected the connection that I had with her, this kid loved me in a way that I had never experienced before, she was and is still the light of my life........

It's been a tremendous struggle for me and I was VERY very close to the edge on numerous occasions, dealing with one crisis and catastrophe to the next, the breakup, the loss of both my and then my wife's jobs, bankruptcy, the legal situation with Jack......but through it all I've still been doing my best to play as much of a role in Jenn's life as possible, my wife......well, she wants me gone but then again we have no one but each other out here and she would never have had the resources to deal with finding a place of her own to live, all the deposits and moving expenses, I used up the last of our credit getting her and Jenn situated and I've been doing my level best to support her ability to care for the kid. Yeah, it's true, if it wasn't for the kid I would have abandoned that "higher ground" a long time ago and done everything in my power to hurt my wife as bad as she was hurting me, but I knew and SHE knew full well that whatever I did to hurt her and make things hard for her would ALSO hurt Jenn, and THAT I could not and would not do. Things have been hard since then, the poor kid, she didn't want any of this, it was HER life that got blown apart too, I'm not stupid, my wife, while misguided, is NOT and evil person, she THOUGHT that it was in Jenn's best interest that we split up, she was wrong, it isn't helping her, it's hurting her bad, teaching her that it's ok to walk away from a sacred promise, that it's ok to bail out on the people who love you and are committed to you.... Her grades in school took a nosedive pretty much from the first day that my wife said she wanted a divorce, her behavior has gone to hell too, all kinds of trouble at school, acting out, getting in fights, being nasty to other kids.........you know the drill.

Anyway, that's pretty much where I'm at now, recently my relationship with Jenn has been getting more and more distant, she has become resentful that I am still wanting to be involved in her life, that I care about her grades and behavior, who her friends are, what kind of kids they are, her boyfriends, all of that. She's been very unhappy with me wanting to keep tabs on her online activities, using her facebook page and such..........anyway, it's really been hard on me because I love this kid SO much and I can't bear the thought of not having her in my life anymore........I sent her this email since I rarely get the chance to have any one on one time with her anymore........Did I screw up? Am I likely to drive her even farther away from me? I know my wife would like nothing better because it makes it easier for her to drive me out of their lives altogether.

Yeah, I know, old news, LOTS of people go through this stuff these days, many a lot more heartbreaking tales out there than mine but this is MY life here.......I love THIS kid and I'd do anything in my power to give her a shot at the life that she deserves......see what you think..........

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

You know, since I'm not living with you anymore I get next to no chance to just be able to _talk_ to you anymore and not have your grandma there, having to worry about what she's gonna think and what she thinks is ok for me to say and all of that. I don't know how often you even check your email these days so I don't know when, or even if, you'll read this but I hope and pray that you do because there's so much that I wish I could say to you.........  Lately it seems as though you've been mad at me a lot. I know that it makes you angry that I try to keep up with what's going on in your life by going on facebook. And I know you're having a hard time understanding WHY it should matter so much to me about how you're doing in school and.....well, your LIFE in general. You keep _asking_ me that question, "WHY do you care?" Well, it's pretty darned important that you KNOW why, even though I've tried to explain it to you so many times so I'm gonna TRY it this way and see if maybe it helps me to find the right words to connect with you if I do it this way........

The first thing I wanna say to you is that, the more I think about it, the more I can understand.....you DO have the right to feel weird about your grandparents, or ANYBODY for that matter, being able to eavesdrop and look over your shoulder at what should be your private conversations with your friends. I get it kiddo, I really DO, and I'm REALLY sorry that I (and your grandma for that matter) make you FEEL that way. Because what you think and the way you feel really DOES matter to us, I know it matters one HELL of a lot to me! What I really want more than anything else in the world to be able to get you to understand is the WHY I care so much, why your grandma cares so much, and that's because we LOVE you so damned much and when you love someone you just want all the best that life has to offer for them and you want to be able to PROTECT them from the bad things, the bad choices and mistakes that are out there waiting for you.  I know you're having a REAL hard time with this whole thing with your grandma and I splitting up. Well, let me tell you, it's hard enough for US to work things through I totally GET that it really SUCKS to be YOU in this mess. You ought to see it through MY eyes......... This is what I DO know about this situation, even though your grandma and I have some pretty important differences in the way that we see things you just gotta know that both of us LOVE you SO damned much, you know like the song that you guys like so much about the guy who would fall on a grenade for you, take a bullet for you....THAT kind of love!! Have you ever really sat back and thought about just what kind of love they're talking about in that song? This is one BIG area that your grandma and I don't see eye to eye on, you're gonna find that, although it's true that a lot of people will come and go in your lives, people who you love and who love you, there are VERY few people in your life who will ever love you THAT much or who YOU will love that much....... And when you have that kind of love in your life, well kiddo, that's the very most precious thing you're EVER gonna get in this life and you NEVER give up and walk away from that kind of love. Not EVER.  I know that you seem to believe and your grandma seems to believe that, because I am not your "blood" grandpa that I can't, don't have the right to, or whatever, feel that kind of love for you. Well, let me set you straight on that kiddo, that is NOT true!!!! You also seem to believe that, since your grandma has decided that she is gonna walk away from the love that I have for her, that changes the way I "should" feel about you or the way that you "should" feel about me. Let me tell you kiddo, that simply ain't true either! I know that I've told you this before and I also know that it's been really hard for you, hard ON you and I just hate it that it has to be this way........your grandma, well like I said, no two people will EVER see eye to eye on everything that comes along in life, sometimes you’re GONNA disagree on things but I DO know that your grandma feels the same way about you as I do. Thing is, even though we've been around a whole lot longer than you have and we do know a lot more about the way that life works than you do since you're just so darned YOUNG, well we're a LONG ways from perfect, we don't know anywhere NEAR anything and dammit, as much as we love you, we screw up too! We don't ever MEAN to hurt you or make you feel bad, and we're always trying to figure out how we can help keep you pointed in the right direction to live the best life you can live but sometimes it just don't turn out like we thought it would.

Kiddo.......I know this is getting WAY to long here but there's SO much I wish I could say to you.....just KNOW this and KNOW this more than any other thing that you'll ever know, nothing has changed about the way I feel towards you, your grandma and you are THE best things that ever happened to me in my life, the day that YOU walked into my life, you became the daughter that I never had and NOTHING is ever gonna change that!! THAT is WHY I care.........and why I'll NEVER stop caring about you and your life, not until the day that I stop breathing, and even THEN I'll always be there with you! If you could just GET this kiddo........I know you get mad at me sometimes, I get mad at you, that's life, it's gonna happen. Sometimes we do stupid stuff, stuff we wish we hadn't done or said. PLEASE understand how

much I love you!

Author Profile: Ted Richard

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+2 #1 caseyneopets 2011-05-30 09:00

:)

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