Story Peeps Change Lives

The One I Called Mom!

Written by Rachel

Growing up I always felt as though I didn't belong. I never had a place in life to call my own, a family to understand me. Dysfunction was a understatement when talking about my life. Number 2 out of four girls born to a women who is addicted to marriage. I think she’s up to number nine, not to mention the countless (no exaggeration) men traipsing through our lives to do as they please.

Born of Hispanic decent to a family that was prejudiced had filled my days with constant torment and torture. Olive skin, head full of black curly hair with dark brown eyes was what separated me from my siblings, all of whom were fair skin blue eyed and blonde straight hair. You would have thought my name was Spic, Goya bean or Brillo head for that was what I was usually referred to as.

My mother the chameleon was in and out of mental institutions. Using her diagnosis as an excuse for the abuse that was dealt to her children. She closed a blind eye to everything, so she could never be blamed. " I never put a hand on you" she would say as she stood over and watch you get stomped until you were about to pee yourself by some random man she was in love with that week.

No father to protect me, a mother who didn’t care as long as her bills were being paid. Sexual abuse that was ignored and blatant " it happened to me too when I was younger".

As I got older the beatings had gotten almost unbearable, my oldest sister would hide me at a neighbors house. Going to school with two black eyes and bruises all over from being beat with a Puma sneaker in my head. When the mother who never cared before, suddenly became concerned. Was it for my wellbeing. Not a chance, this was for her. For her to stand up and accept her award for best actress.

Sent home to a place where I was regarded less than the family dog. I eventually ran away a record  of 38 times in one year. Sleeping came in shifts, a short two hour train ride from the Bronx to Brooklyn, a deserted bench in a cab stand, to a friends closet for 2 weeks (so her mother would not find out) to countless other friends, places or just walking the busy streets of New York. All this while trying to hold onto a part time job to be able to support myself. Till one day the one I called Mother decided to have me picked up by the police at my job for being a danger to myself.

Once again I know she can hear the applause in her head "and the nomination goes to". Placed in handcuffs and hauled off to Juvie. While in confinement for 8 weeks and 2 days, I was almost jumped by 32 girls for being the newbie. I eventually was pulled out and placed in a group home.

A year of no contact with my sisters, not because of courts or the home. But because I was discarded like yesterdays trash. I finally snuck a call and convinced my mother to take me back. Being home nothing changed except my longing for someone to accept me, to love me unconditionally.

I became a teenage mother at the age of 17. My struggle in life was now multiplied by two. However, I would never allow what happened to me to be done to her. For the very first time in my life I knew what love was. When I looked at her and she looked up at me with those big brown eyes I knew I would cherish and protect her.

18 years later, she is my best friend and I am hers. Throughout the years we have struggled together. My struggle to gain self worth has been hard. But one look at her and she makes everything seem possible.

Till this day I never heard an apology from my mother. I am resolved. I understand I cannot change my past, but I can take what I have learned from it and create a future. One that’s filled with more love, kindness and understanding than I had experienced.

Although at night I sometimes cry myself to sleep thinking about my younger years I know it was those days without a place to sleep or anything to eat that has made me the person I am today. I will still stop the car or give my last dollar to that person standing on the corner homeless and hungry because that was me.

Author Profile: Rachel

This author has published 12 articles so far. More info about the author is coming soon.

Comments  

 

0 #2 RE: Brenda — sweetsgirl 2010-08-11 06:18

Thanks Brenda for your encouraging words.

Rachel

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+1 #1 RE: The One I Called Mom! — BrendaBoo 2010-06-09 21:28

I will always think of you, and your life.
You have my love, forever, dear girl.

Love, Brend BAD WORD

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