Story Peeps Change Lives

I Suffer From Paranoia

Written by bad_seed84

hello, I am new to this site. I'll start with my life as a child.

I was born in Detroit,Mi. my mom had 5 children including me. my dad was a Jamaican immigrant and had come over to the states in the early 1980's.

I believe he was the one who had started my mom on crack. when I was 8 year's of age, my mom died of a drug overdose; me and my sister found her dead on the the floor, two hour's after she had sent us to bed.  

One month later my family had dropped me, my 2 sister's and my little brother off at the Orchard's Children's Servicesin Southfield,MI.

My other sister at the time was 13 and pregnant,she moved in with her child's father. the rest of us were put into foster homes.

I was in - from 1993-2004. at the age of 19, just before my 20th birthday I was kicked out of the system. no job,I was enrolled in jobcorps in Flint,Mi. where I had completed my G.E.D. and My Accounting Clerk's certificate.

I would have been homeless otherwise. my immediate family my sister's and I were split apart, so we grew up with no unity at all.

During my year's in the foster-care system,I was beaten,raped,verbally,emotionally,and physically abused.

As an adult I suffer from paranoia, scared to go out, thinking people are out to get me; I  never go anywhere.

The friend's I thought I had I don't see. I 'm stuck in the house afraid to leave, I get headaches and get angry for no reason. I live with my boyfriend, if not for him I would be homeless. I have not had a job in year's. I am afraid I am losing my mind.

I was in special education in middle school and high school,not for my academics,but because they said I was emotionally impaired. There are times when I am happy just out of the blue and then I want to go out and be normal, then when it's time to go out and face the world,BAM...mental block. can't go I stay in the house.

My sex life is not the same I don't even get excited about sex. I sometimes don't bathe for days, I have stopped doing my hair, I have no energy. I don't sleep much. Sometimes I thought I heard my boyfriend say thing's and I argue and fight and cuss him out for no reason.

When those thing's I'm hearing in my head. I was on medication,but have lost my health insurance because i don't have kid's. I have applied for s.s.i and have been denied twice....

Author Profile: bad_seed84

This author has published 12 articles so far. More info about the author is coming soon.

Comments  

 

+1 #1 If you let it happen, something good is waiting for you! — Ceil 2010-09-08 13:30

I really feel for you! We all go through different things but I feel so sad for your losses in life and the emotional prison it has you in. I'm much older: 48. Also a Detroit Native. It took me a long time to learn things and get over the past. Please look on the net for: John Di Martini's book: 'Count your blessing's'. One miraculous story of emotional healing reminds me of yours. I learned from John's books, tapes, Anthony Robbins...Our Past Does NOT Equal our Future! You write very well, you have other talents that are not yet discovered. It would be great if you and your siblings could pressure healing together as a family. Please count your blessings for that boyfriend that is helping you and hopefully not abusing you in any way. I wish you better days on your journey in life & thank you for sharing your story.

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