Story Peeps Change Lives

What Have I Become?

Written by bad_seed84

It's really hard to explain, there’s days when I feel like sunshine, other day's feel like hailing rain. these moods, i can't help, nor explain?

what is it that has me feeling tired, afraid, scared to go out into the world. my room is my only safe place, my haven...where I’m  protected from untrustworthy people who are plotting against me, or so I think that in my brain.

what has happened to me I use to be a social butterfly, now all I am is a lonely, unmotivated being. I use to do my hair like every week, it’s been three months and my hair is damaged and breaking from wearing it in a ponytail all of the time. i have no energy, yet I can't find sleep. I'm afraid to travel this anxiety has taken over me. my love life has failed, i don't even  desire sex any more. I pray to god...to change me, give me a peace of mind. I am afraid of the unknown, I am afraid all types of plagues have beset me.

I want to be normal...again! I want to be unafraid, I want to live a normal, healthy life. I am afraid I am worthless, I see no worth, or beauty in me. the whole world's staring at me, as if I'm this fat, horrible, hideous thing! I hate being looked at, to go in the store in make it out is a victory for me. these panic attacks rushes back home into my room. if it wasn't for Marcus I would be homeless. I have no money, no degree, I'm below the poverty line. all I see is destruction for me...I feel like a fat, ugly, failure, who is 25 year's old and will never amount to anything. for fear of the outside world and what's going to happen to me? every day is a struggle getting up...my accomplishments are taking a bath....year's ago it would  have been routine. I don't have friend's because I can't trust them, I think they are talking about me. my mind is all a mess, of negative thing's and I can't shake it. I'm afraid of what may become of me...this hopelessness has been here so long it's become me.

Author Profile: bad_seed84

This author has published 12 articles so far. More info about the author is coming soon.

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+1 #1 i was like you — caseyneopets 2011-05-16 07:59

i got a job and people started talking to me after a while they helped me pull myself out of that ugly place i was stuck in i soon realized they liked me for me and not what i could do for them soon i had friends and now i love myself that is somthing i never thought i would say (read my secrets to see what im talkin about)just know itll take time i now am kinda vain i tell myself people love me they want to be me or be with me im not the best lookin person in the world but so what im totally self absorbed and why shouldent i be? after all when your in your darkest moment in the darkest hour in the worst place yor mid can tourture you with all you have is yourself just breath keep your head up let the haters hate and the lovers love be you love yourself no matter what i pulled myself out of the ugly pits of the deepest darkest part of my mind and so can you

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