Story Peeps Change Lives

My State Of Mind

Written by Army

I aim for the moon, then gravity pulls me down, but not before letting me get so high up where I can reach with my hand the point where gravity no longer exists. Then the fall is from so high up that I keep falling deeper and faster, so much that when I hit the bottom I've created a huge crater so deep and so dark that I can't find my way out. The rope that I'm using to pull myself out keeps breaking just when I feel I've gotten myself out, falling once again making that crater deeper and deeper with each trial and error. I've been trying for so long that the land around me has evolved and now there's a jungle around my crater. A deep jungle where I can't seem to find my way out.

I feel like Gretel trying to find her way out of the forest, but I got lost by myself. Without a Hansel and in a jungle where there are more dangerous creatures around to hurt me. I've been trying to get out on my own for so long that I got tired of doing it alone, so I went on my search for Hansel. Didn't take much to find him, but I finally did, and even-though the journey seems a lot easier with him around, he is just as lost as I am. He's just a companion to ease the way, but he can't show me the way out.

He points to the path of crumbs that might lead us out of there. Should I follow it or should I keep trying those ropes? I'm tired of climbing ropes and them breaking on me. My baggage is to heavy for the ropes to keep holding on for me. But then again, what if I find that the crumb path only leads me to a road that has a final destination to a shore, making me realize that my crater surrounded by the jungle is on an island far far from where I need to be. Sure there's beautiful dolphins there to take me where I should be, but there's also those evil whales that will take over me and bring me back to this island. This is where I would try the ropes once again, but still all the weight on my shoulders prevent me from climbing all the way out! Then I keep falling and falling, deeper and deeper, each time more and more worn out, tired. . . EXHAUSTED!

And even-though Hansel keeps giving me hope, I can't help but feel helpless, scared and still lost. I can only pull so hard on my thread before it breaks, then what? I tie a knot. . . again. My thread has so many knots that it seems to be getting shorter over time. Though it might look stronger, the fact is that it's not. There's many worn gaps between those knots that will break with ease if I try them. I guess I just need to take better care of my thread, but this jungle and all those falls and the salt water keep wearing it out. I need to find a reinforcement for it. Hansel has some ideas, but how efficient will they be? How long will they keep that thread strong? Will it change the color or it's softness? Will it change the way it's able to wrap around my finger with ease? Or will all those changes make it stiff, hard and stick-like? I don't know, but I won't find out unless I try it right? The not knowing is what scares me.

I thought I knew my way around that jungle, and it might have seemed like I did, but just because I've survived it so far, doesn't meant that I know it, because I don't. I was attacked by the big bad wolf, and the mean old witch tried to kill me, but I fought back and even-though I got away, I still have some deep wounds that keep hurting and bleeding, making me weaker and weaker, thus making it harder to climb. How much longer can I keep bleeding and hurting before I'm drained? My poor little thread isn't strong enough to hold those wounds closed. I thought it would, but it only got worn down in the battles I've been in.

Maybe I should take a break from it all and find a good resting spot in the middle of all this chaos. But no matter where I sit myself to rest, something always happens. If I rest in the crater, though dark and silent, would drive me insane from the loudness it would allow my mind to create. If I rest in the jungle I will be exposed to all the dangers there are in there and get attacked. If I rest at the shore I'll be enjoying the beautiful sight of the dolphins and the wonderful sounds of the ocean, but the evil whales will be back and ruin my pleasant and peaceful sight. If I rest half way up my rope, sooner than later it will break, then I wouldn't have had MY break. So I shall keep moving, and even-though the road to forward is not found, going in circles will do for now until I do find the right path out of here, and into my happiness. I know I'll have to do more fighting, and if it doesn't kill me, it would either make me mentally and emotionally stronger, or it would just cause another break on my thread which I WILL make a knot for. Then when my thread finally gets to the point where I can no longer make knots for it, I will leave it in sight for others to see that even if I am long gone, I didn't go out without a fight. I fought to the very end. I want the knots on MY thread to help them find their own courage and keep fighting throught their troubles, then atleast now they will know to keep tying knots to their own thread every time it breaks.

Author Profile: Army

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