Story Peeps Change Lives

Escape into my mind!

Member: sweetsgirl

I woke up one morning and realized the life i've lived for the past seven years had been a lie. The pain from all the lies and rejection sat in my belly like week old food. How could I have been so blind as to not see what was clearly right there in front of me. I look back and think how many times you told me in your own way, that I wasn't enough. It was easy to close myself off and hid comfortably in a world that only I live in.

A world where I could pretend that all is good and that our love was equal. A fairytale of sorts, where people are kind to each other. Where loves has no bounds. One where you can feel the warmth from one another. A beautifully happy place. Mistakes are welcomed as learning experiences and forgiveness is key to the next stepping stone in your life.

Back from my own private hiding place. They world looks so gray and  drab. People are critical, mean spirited and narcissistic. The negativity completely consumes you. A day in this place could almost make you want to slit your wrists. I try to stay positive and hope for the best. Until the worst comes rumbling right towards me, full speed ahead.

Deception, infedelity are two words I cringe when I hear now. I know these words all too well. I've been living with it and accepting as a child would a unfit parent. Just as I do for a little acceptance from you. Trying to figure out how I stack up, what needs change. If any of these things really matter, or if in the end will I still be alone in this relationship. 

I guess I finally figured it out. I retreat to my happy place to keep my mind healthy and sane. I know theses things are happening but they seem almost out of my control. I try to hide thinking they will go away but in an instant I am reminded of the facts. I must learn to live in this world and be able to survive.